Dee offers Wagwords: answers to questions about your journey in the online dating process. Each week, she'll pick a question and give her thoughts about what might be helpful. Of course, these answers can never take the place of the help that is possible within a therapeutic relationship.      

                                                                                                                                                                          photo/artwork by J Cargile

Question:
How do you know if a guy is worth marrying?

Answer:
This question about a guy first hinges on this question for the woman: are you healthy enough to participate in a healthy relationship.
If so: 

1. The encounters with this guy will generally be balanced in terms of give and take.

2. The woman in the relationship will experience sensations in her body falling within what we call the om zone. Not too deer-in-the-headlights, not too feet-in-cement.

3. The woman will be able to use the differences between herself and this guy to stay present, mindful.

We have two scales in the workbook pages of our book that folks can use to measure these elements in each encounter, using bodily responses to gauge both our health and our potential partner's health. 

Hope this is useful.

 

Question:
My boyfriend and I just graduated from college. He is moving home with his parents and I am moving out on my own. I am curious as to if I should continue to pursue this relationship or how serious he might be if he has moved back with his parents with no set time to as to when he might leave. Any advice you could give would be appreciated!

Answer:
Sounds confusing. It's hard when people don't do things we imagine are best. It's also a great time to be in the moment. You can watch the balance of give and take from moment to moment in the relationship. You can notice from moment to moment if you feel that your interests take up half of the energy in the relationship. If they do, then you'll probably feel satisfied to see where this new turn in the path takes you both. If not, you'll probably find yourselves drifting away from the relationship. Our fears that we may drift apart can make us want to prematurely decide to break up in order to avoid the pain of slow revelation that it's no longer a fit. Hope you can tolerate the uncertainty of the moment to find the certainty that may arise in the future.